tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39570326032639381552024-02-20T19:39:32.792-06:00So You Want to Be PublishedMary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.comBlogger852125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-89352713868630638252010-08-02T12:42:00.002-05:002010-08-02T12:42:24.145-05:00A new place for writing information and more: NEW SITE!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRA2hBWNwbA-vJYIZyLyNXDd6o5-mT-tMsPUa2Pnp7dLvgC3tEb-w5_ZgH0lqrh2gnxFe5rj2YnL8WutS0Yaz7u5AzHBOXVa_SjeqtxsYtB1OIn7jBHoB23d7wyqbVsYJcVwJwESFQf_gY/s1600/marynewheader.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRA2hBWNwbA-vJYIZyLyNXDd6o5-mT-tMsPUa2Pnp7dLvgC3tEb-w5_ZgH0lqrh2gnxFe5rj2YnL8WutS0Yaz7u5AzHBOXVa_SjeqtxsYtB1OIn7jBHoB23d7wyqbVsYJcVwJwESFQf_gY/s640/marynewheader.jpg" width="640" /></a><a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/">I've launched a new look, providing more help for those who are overcoming a difficult past at the new and improved MaryDeMuth.com</a>. I'd love your feedback!<br />
<br />
So stop on by. Leave a comment. Linger. Read the archives. <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/2010/07/have-a-thin-place-story-share-it/">Share your own thin places story, a time when God came near, here.</a><br />
<br />
For all you writers out there: <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/store/book-proposal/">Find out how you can write a powerful nonfiction or fiction book proposal here.</a><br />
<br />
Find a listing of all <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/speaking/speaking-topics/">my speaking topics, including new ones about healing from the past, here.</a><br />
<br />
Like photos and photography? <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/category/photography/">Here's a recent listing of my photos</a>.<br />
<br />
Don't know what to fix for dinner? All my recipes from A Daily Recipe are on this site. <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/category/recipes/">Click on Recipes </a>on the upper part of the site to see over 90 recipes. <br />
<br />
And if you'd like to read even more about writing, publishing, and the writing world, click the<a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/category/writing/"> Writing link </a>on the top of the site.<br />
<br />
With joy,<br />
Mary DeMuth<br />
founder of WannabepublishedMary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-23507245592768705972010-05-14T03:40:00.021-05:002010-05-14T03:40:00.313-05:00You're the Reason I created this blog! Thank you!Dear, dear Wannabepublished writers,<br />
<br />
What a blessing it's been to write this blog (and bring others along to write and share their expertise). I've learned so much, and had entirely too much fun sharing my heart and my journey with you. I wish I could continue mentoring you here, but, alas, my time has slipped from me, and I'm learning to say no.<br />
<br />
I do hope you've learned a lot.<br />
<br />
I am walking forward, setting my heart on a new path, hoping to mentor folks toward wholeness now. I'm passionate about telling stories (my story, yours, fictional stories) that help people heal and to finally realize they are not alone. That's my mission and heart. It's been beating a long time, and I'm giving myself permission to walk in that calling.<br />
<br />
I hope you fly. I hope you publish. But more than that, I hope you find your calling. God has uniquely gifted each of you in cool, surprising, you-shaped ways. Don't shrink back from that calling, no matter how small it may seem or how impossibly large it looms. Do it. Walk it. Be it.<br />
<br />
Dare to write the truth. If I could leave you with one thing, it's that. Risk. Be fearless. Give yourself permission to write it all. Trust God for big things. Be a truth-bearer without shame.<br />
<br />
I'll keep this blog up for all of you who want to explore the archives. And if you have the chance, let me know about your journey. I'd love to hear how this blog has mentored you toward publication. If you have a success to share, please do so in the comments section so we can all rejoice with you.<br />
<br />
I'll be penning a monthly column about writing at Novel Journey the second Thursday of the month. <a href="http://noveljourney.blogspot.com/2010/05/marketing-can-be-joyful-really.html">My first post is here</a>. I'll also be guest blogging at <a href="http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/">Rachelle Gardner's blog</a> the 4th Tuesday of the month. And since writing is so much of who I am, I'll be posting about it at my main blog, <a href="http://www.relevantblog.blogspot.com/">relevantblog</a>. Be sure to sign up to receive that blog. Another place to find me is to sign up for my monthly free ezine, <a href="http://visitor.constantcontact.com/manage/optin?v=001hAbSJWFaoM61zL_z5wjeXMuCcJP9oFB3Bv56qiCMs9U%3D">Inside Renewal here. </a><br />
<br />
And, stay tuned for a possible E-book with the BEST of Wannabepublished. Wouldn't it be nice to have all that information in one place? If I can organize it, I'll publish it.<br />
<br />
It's been a privilege, a joy, to serve you.<br />
<br />
With peace,<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguCprALLb6v0z5QNOfBLuq_KVyXZ3A3l4CAOnf1BskYLWKJRpz9HxcJ0LyY149sAjcHxcQKB005DzIpCB7DOdHROv2Lbja1mOi1lYNb3Ut1iAW0xlu3CvjvjXOcemIsba9U_IomV7bj_Q/s1600/headshot9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguCprALLb6v0z5QNOfBLuq_KVyXZ3A3l4CAOnf1BskYLWKJRpz9HxcJ0LyY149sAjcHxcQKB005DzIpCB7DOdHROv2Lbja1mOi1lYNb3Ut1iAW0xlu3CvjvjXOcemIsba9U_IomV7bj_Q/s320/headshot9.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Mary DeMuthMary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-78683184991646475352010-05-13T05:40:00.021-05:002010-05-13T05:40:00.346-05:00D'Ann and Leslie say goodbye<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9jIEbpu3VI/AAAAAAAAAvc/NTlObHorgz4/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9jIEbpu3VI/AAAAAAAAAvc/NTlObHorgz4/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">When Mary asked me to help provide the Free Critique Per Week on this blog, I’ll admit I said yes with some fear and trepidation. Not that I didn’t have experience—I’ve been writing seriously for ten years and have been critiquing Mary’s work on a weekly basis for seven years. But critiquing in private is quite different from putting something out there in a public forum! That’s why I so admire every person that sent in a sample to be critiqued. I know how hard that is.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Because of <i>your </i><span style="font-style: normal;">courage, you have helped not only yourself become a better writer, but others, too. I know it isn’t easy to hear the weaknesses in your writing. I still get that myself. But it is necessary in order to grow, to get better, to move toward publication. I hope you have made some step forward in that process, no matter how slight, because of your time spent reading this blog.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Thank you for bearing with me as I learned to interact with you. It has been an unexpected joy. May the Lord bless each of you as you continue your writing journey.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpDJdY55aqdYaCe7Qa4VO0IxT5WzBAXi_1JTRaoEAq0JyOR5BUQ4xxOS3mHIH6v1iMwdsoJs3Su6mHXeMqtwyID1pYdzz1moogMw85rf95SINGLek9xMJuDGsIhE0NIzyQpfiCcbHVP9o/s1600/lesBEST09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpDJdY55aqdYaCe7Qa4VO0IxT5WzBAXi_1JTRaoEAq0JyOR5BUQ4xxOS3mHIH6v1iMwdsoJs3Su6mHXeMqtwyID1pYdzz1moogMw85rf95SINGLek9xMJuDGsIhE0NIzyQpfiCcbHVP9o/s200/lesBEST09.JPG" tt="true" width="133" /></a></div>I so agree, D'Ann. I've also enjoyed examining people's pitches these past months.<br />
<br />
I once heard an editor say that every single person will eventually be published, as long as he or she doesn't give up before that time. When you embark on such a competitive--and, at times, heart-breaking--journey, you have to be prepared for criticism. However, it's that criticism that helps us improve. So, first of all, thanks for putting yourselves, and your work, out there. Thanks for trusting us at The Writing Spa to read and provide feedback on your pet projects. Thanks for being transparent; that's the way God can use us best!<br />
<br />
Some of you may be wondering: OK, where do I go from here? What am I going to do now that I don't have Mary's daily wisdom? Well, you're going to keep writing. Set a minimum word count for yourself. You're going to read books on writing. Some of you need to join (or start) a critique group. Find community with fellow writers who understand the joys and heartache of this business. But, most of all, continually give over your words, your talent, your craft to the Lord--allowing Him to direct you in the way He wants you to go.<br />
<br />
Blessings to each of you. We'll miss you very much.<br />
Leslie Porter Wilson<br />
<a href="http://www.lesliewilson.com/">http://www.lesliewilson.com/</a><br />
</div>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-44631289289906714072010-05-12T05:14:00.030-05:002010-05-12T05:14:00.057-05:00Free Critique Per Week: Avoid summarizing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9H2UO7wexI/AAAAAAAAAvM/Erj6O46qtXQ/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9H2UO7wexI/AAAAAAAAAvM/Erj6O46qtXQ/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa.</a></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Lostariel writes<br />
<br />
Tristan crossed his broadswords over his head. Their weight would daunt any other youth of thirteen; Tristan only inhaled as he watched dust settle around his feet. It churned again as Tristan’s opponent used the younger warrior’s pause to advance.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Tristan’s head shot up while his swords flashed down with a mighty clang. He never hesitated. He did not defend, but dealt thrust after thrust, twisting his blades and limber body to meet every challenge. His strength was not in finesse but in constant attack. Though Tristan was by far the smaller of the two, the sheer speed, force, and raw skill of his swordplay drove his opponent back. Through all this the boy merely stared forward, dripping sweat but betraying no emotion in his concentration. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Tristan crossed his broadswords over his head. Their weight would daunt any other youth of thirteen<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">; </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">but </span>Tristan only inhaled as <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">he watched</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">the </span>dust settle around his feet. It churned again as <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Tristan’s</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">his </span></span><span></span>opponent used the younger warrior’s <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(bit of a POV shift here. I doubt 13 yr old Tristan would think of himself as "the younger warrior". You could just delete it altogether.)</span> pause to advance.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Tristan’s head shot up <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">while </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">as</span> his swords flashed down with a mighty clang. He never hesitated. He did not defend, but dealt thrust after thrust, twisting his blades and limber body to meet every challenge. His strength <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">was</span> not in finesse but in constant attack. Though Tristan <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">was</span> by far the smaller of the two, the sheer speed, force, and raw skill of his swordplay drove his opponent back. Through all this the boy merely stared forward, dripping sweat but betraying no emotion in his concentration. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Not bad, but I think it could be much stronger. There is much "told" in the second paragraph about the swordfight that could be shown. "His swords flashed down with a mighty clang" is great, but after that, we basically get a summary of his actions in battle. Can you take us into more detail? Can you show his strength and offensive by the moves he makes as well as how they affect his opponent? How old is the opponent? That seems like it would be important to know as well and clues could be shown in the course of the action. Use what you've written as kind of an outline. For each sentence of summary, see if you can <i>show </i>those things in describing an action or a reaction by him or his opponent.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Keep working and you'll have an exciting opening!</span></span></div></span> </span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-64535456538237830972010-05-11T08:05:00.009-05:002010-05-11T08:05:00.109-05:00Life in Defiance releases today!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGRHeRuoMmmQrlzg0hHm-7f6TxhzgtWZTJCTJTOYs1e2rZf1S_VW41zLuY0YIY5pcRzI4XNYZp_edmgoAiqRWukD6wL8ai8qW02FwIQ-I7mnjdvSt3zomsnkF9nw9p5YUcVd_Qg1U7YSI/s1600/51T6ZzgzMvL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGRHeRuoMmmQrlzg0hHm-7f6TxhzgtWZTJCTJTOYs1e2rZf1S_VW41zLuY0YIY5pcRzI4XNYZp_edmgoAiqRWukD6wL8ai8qW02FwIQ-I7mnjdvSt3zomsnkF9nw9p5YUcVd_Qg1U7YSI/s400/51T6ZzgzMvL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>For those of you waiting to find out the conclusion of the Defiance, TX trilogy, today's the day to find out. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Life-Defiance-Novel-Texas-Trilogy/dp/0310278384/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_5">Order the book here.</a> Enjoy!Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-59862479979196974952010-05-11T05:11:00.030-05:002010-05-11T05:11:00.229-05:00Free Critique Per Week: Deep POV<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9Hy0mIemGI/AAAAAAAAAvE/AVpWfegcGwM/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9Hy0mIemGI/AAAAAAAAAvE/AVpWfegcGwM/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Miriam Cheney writes<br />
<br />
Chapter 1</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The moment Jamison Tully steered his Monaco 42 through breakwaters and into the morning calm of Long Beach bay, his cell phone rang. Less than 30 seconds back into call range, someone needed him. Ignoring the insistent, blues-guitar ring tone, he started the boat’s engine, lowered her sails, and guided the Sandra Ann into its slip at the dock. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The iPhone’s red message light pulsing like a warning beacon, James unclipped it from his belt and scanned seven missed calls. One from Sean, his best friend and partner at the brokerage. Six from his grandma. His ulcer flamed. The catalyst—as always—a woman. <br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Chapter 1</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The moment Jamison Tully steered his Monaco 42 through breakwaters and into the morning calm of Long Beach bay, his cell phone rang. Less than 30 seconds back into call range, someone needed him. Ignoring the insistent, blues-guitar ring tone, he started the boat’s engine, lowered her sails, and guided the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;"><i>Sandra Ann </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(boat names are italicized)</span><i> </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">into its slip at the dock. </span></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The iPhone’s red message light pulsing like a warning beacon<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">, (It just seemed to read easier breaking it into two sentences. The other construction was a bit awkward) </span>James unclipped it from his belt and scanned seven missed calls. One from Sean, his best friend and partner at the brokerage. Six from <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(</span>his grandma<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">)</span>. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(To put us in deep POV here, address "his grandma" as he would. What does he call her? It's okay if it doesn't immediately convey "grandama" to the reader. It appears that all we need to know at the moment is that it is a woman. Might be more intriguing to the reader at this point to just know that and not necessarily the relationship of Jamison and the calling woman. Of course, if he always calls her Grandma, have him refer to her that way, and that is fine, too. But the point is to dig us deeper into Jamison's point of view by speaking of his grandma in exactly the way he would think of her.) </span>His ulcer flamed. The catalyst—as always—a woman. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">I really like this. It has some good conflict brewing in the background. Get us deeper into that POV as mentioned above and that will intensity things even more. And I'm thinking that the last sentence is an attempt to avoid "was." It really might be needed in this instance. Something like "His ulcer flamed. It was always a woman." or "It only took a woman." I would just consider simplifying that last sentence so that it packs all the punch it can.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Nice writing! Keep it up!</span></span></div></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-16121858608058753822010-05-10T03:45:00.023-05:002010-05-10T03:45:00.698-05:00Free Critique Per Week: Nice example of showing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9HwtLd1nwI/AAAAAAAAAu8/JCT11UoAeto/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9HwtLd1nwI/AAAAAAAAAu8/JCT11UoAeto/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Amanda G writes:<br />
<br />
<i></i><br />
<br />
If one more person offered Marcus a drink, he just might drown them in it. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
“But your hands are empty.” She pushed a dripping beer bottle toward him, and Marcus focused on her face instead. She lifted a second, open beer, and the tip of her tongue caressed the bottle’s mouth. Why would any woman buy lipstick that purple?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
“No, thanks,” he said.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The woman’s lips pursed, then curved. “Something you want to hold instead?” <br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">If one more person offered Marcus a drink, he just might drown them in it. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
“But your hands are empty.” She pushed a dripping beer bottle toward him, and Marcus focused on her face instead. She lifted a second, open beer, and the tip of her tongue caressed the bottle’s mouth. Why would any woman buy lipstick that purple?</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
“No, thanks,” he said.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The woman’s lips pursed, then curved. “Something you want to hold instead?” </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Very compelling! So much conveyed in those small actions (focused on her face instead of the bottle, her tongue caressing the bottle's mouth, etc.) Those details say so much not just about what is happening, but about the characters themselves. This is exactly what is meant by "showing" us a character. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Here is my one suggestion to consider: Nix the first line. The first line basically tells us what you so skillfully show in the next three paragraphs. (I'd just remove the "but" at the beginning of the line of dialogue.) You might even reinsert that line in a bit of a reworked fashion after he says no thanks. Then it would be clearly internal monologue and kind of give a sense that this is not an isolated incident.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Great job showing!</span></span></div></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-23924230821982209152010-05-08T08:38:00.000-05:002010-05-08T08:38:00.867-05:00How do you focus as a writer?I wrote about my own journey <a href="http://michaelhyatt.com/2010/05/one-author%E2%80%99s-quest-for-tribal-leadership.html">toward defining a tribe here</a> on Michael Hyatt's blog. He's the head of Thomas Nelson, a publishing house. I'd love to read your comments!Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-91197672057386661732010-05-08T05:23:00.030-05:002010-05-08T05:23:00.276-05:00Pitch to me: Over the Hill? I resemble that remark!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50p-YkfbAigSADOb9ldMbV5QTsxN2KVK21C6y1v9Mnn9nmVsAqYoHEV6t2CCgT7yQ6DHidz5mPO7Q97BNndqrdCfbnVpnhx8h8W-xOHdrXfVRah46R9TbPUwaXVn5hMLFkO73XXF_V3U/s1600/lesBEST09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj50p-YkfbAigSADOb9ldMbV5QTsxN2KVK21C6y1v9Mnn9nmVsAqYoHEV6t2CCgT7yQ6DHidz5mPO7Q97BNndqrdCfbnVpnhx8h8W-xOHdrXfVRah46R9TbPUwaXVn5hMLFkO73XXF_V3U/s320/lesBEST09.JPG" tt="true" /></a></div><span style="color: #cc0000;">Today’s Pitch to Me is brought to you by</span> <a href="http://www.lesliewilson.com/">Leslie Wilson</a><span style="color: #cc0000;">—editor, humor author and speaker—one of the mentors at</span> <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Real Reedy <<span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/04462110017393906190">http://www.blogger.com/profile/04462110017393906190</a></u></span>> writes<br />
<br />
I ask God for wisdom at least once a day. I don’t have the gray hair and doctorate degree often associated with being a wise person but I need more than just my common sense to guide day to day decisions. I wondered if I could find wisdom without dying my hair or writing a dissertation. When I dug in to see God’s direction on wisdom, I discovered God challenges even those of us who aren’t over the hill yet to pursue wisdom. <br />
<br />
Based on the insight of Proverbs 8:11, Beyond Rubies not only challenges readers to seek wisdom, the treasure God calls better than rubies but also provides direction on where to look for it. This practical journey into the discovery of wisdom equips readers with a path to pursue in the quest for wisdom and entertains them along the way. As readers, primarily women who find themselves seeking wisdom while raising their children, relate to the author’s quest for wisdom they will discover the importance God places on the pursuit of wisdom in the Christian life. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Real Reedy--you write well, no doubt about that. And you have an interesting idea that you've communicated well. You've covered these elements sufficiently: audience, idea, theme, close.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">That being said, an editor will need to see more about promotion (a necessary evil in today's competitive market). Also, I think you need to have a stronger hook. I'm pretty sure I've heard this idea before, so let us know what makes your project unique, why it's the best one to buy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">One final note: Beware of references to "gray hair" and being "over the hill." You may come across an editor or two who fit that description. No sense in alienating them before you have a chance to begin. Perhaps quote I Timothy 4:12 as a starting point and go from there.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">Thanks for letting me examine your pitch!</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">Blessings,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">Leslie Wilson</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">As promised, gang, here again are the elements of a pitch for you to save for future reference.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Elements of A PITCH:</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Audience</strong>—Who are you writing for? Identify your ideal reader. What makes this project appropriate for that particular market?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Promotion</strong>—What qualifies you to write this book? Have you written magazine or e-zine articles on this subject? Do you blog about this topic? Have you developed a speech or seminar? What will you do to publicize your book? Describe your platform.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Idea</strong>—What’s your working title? Subtitle? What kind of book is this? Where would it be shelved in a bookstore?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Theme</strong>— Describe your project in one or two sentences. Answers the question “What is your book about?” </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Close</strong>—How will you seal the deal with your reader? Identify the takeaway value of your project.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Hook</strong>—What new slant/angle do you bring to this topic? What makes your approach unique?</span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-19541780667208722342010-05-07T03:17:00.039-05:002010-05-07T03:17:00.897-05:00Free Critique Per Week: A Sense of Character and Place<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9CtjbWWKgI/AAAAAAAAAuU/2E9jq6hAriI/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9CtjbWWKgI/AAAAAAAAAuU/2E9jq6hAriI/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /><span></span></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Sherry writes:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
This is the beginning of my teen mystery, "Into The Fire". Thank you for any help.<br />
<br />
Sixteen year old Alex kicked at the pile of folded boxes stacked in her doorway as she focused on how much she hated her mother. I should run away, that would show her, she thought. Just then, Alex’s cell phone rang; she grabbed for it inside her pink oversized purse and saw it was from her best friend in Chicago.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
“Hey, I was thinking about calling you too. Why? Because, I wanted to know if I could come and live with you if I run away. Of course I am serious. I begged Mom to let me stay with you, or someone, and finish the school year, but no, I had to move here with her. She just couldn’t let me be happy. Grandpa could have lived with us in Chicago; there was plenty of room for all of us there, not like his old farmhouse. I wish I could come back to Chicago and be with all of you guys. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Mom is too busy fixing up that old café, and we don’t have time to shop or do anything. The break is over today, and I have to start that hick school tomorrow. I miss you guys so much; what am I going to do?” <br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Sixteen year old Alex kicked at the pile of folded boxes stacked in her doorway as she focused on how much she hated her mother. I should run away, that would show her, she thought. Just then, Alex’s cell phone rang; she grabbed for it inside her pink oversized purse and saw it was from her best friend in Chicago. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">This paragraph TELLS a lot about Alex, but doesn't really SHOW us anything at all. It is best to start with some sort of action--whether a conversation or argument or situation, something that allows the reader to get a sense of Alex's anger with her mother and a sense of who Alex is. Is she an unreasonable brat? Is she level headed and her mom is nuts? We need to learn something (through showing) about the main character so that we can care about her enough to read her story.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
“Hey, I was thinking about calling you too. Why? Because, I wanted to know if I could come and live with you if I run away. Of course I am serious. I begged Mom to let me stay with you, or someone, and finish the school year, but no, I had to move here with her. She just couldn’t let me be happy. Grandpa could have lived with us in Chicago; there was plenty of room for all of us there, not like his old farmhouse. I wish I could come back to Chicago and be with all of you guys. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Mom is too busy fixing up that old café, and we don’t have time to shop or do anything. The break is over today, and I have to start that hick school tomorrow. I miss you guys so much; what am I going to do?” <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">This "conversation" is just a monologue telling us the setup for Alex's story. This needs to be shown. Show her surroundings, maybe an interaction with her grandfather, or something at the cafe. The reader--especially a YA reader--wants to experience the story along with the main character. Create a scene. Show her surroundings, her conflicts (with people and herself), get the reader to the point that they will BELIEVE she wants/needs to be in Chicago. Think about creating a sense of character and place for the reader so that they can care what happens to Alex. </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Hang in there! Beginnings can be difficult. Read about creating scenes and showing v. telling. Know your character and your setting and dive in to create something a reader can latch onto. You can do it! It just takes a little work and a little practice!</span></span></div></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-33461199702571226042010-05-06T05:16:00.033-05:002010-05-06T05:16:00.100-05:00pitch to me: clearly define audience<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5sYajHEscbON32-ZvoiwoVYp66yVnITo_esNplQo9fjDzY6roShf1a8G-w7XlMXMpKDks5yU0a8qdkBpUdChztWazSdthOhFSztgoxbfF-qy2EJSUcDBcIbtAX6ZRvgOm5r53bpdTrh4/s1600/lesBEST09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5sYajHEscbON32-ZvoiwoVYp66yVnITo_esNplQo9fjDzY6roShf1a8G-w7XlMXMpKDks5yU0a8qdkBpUdChztWazSdthOhFSztgoxbfF-qy2EJSUcDBcIbtAX6ZRvgOm5r53bpdTrh4/s320/lesBEST09.JPG" tt="true" /></a></div><span style="color: #cc0000;">Today’s Pitch to Me is brought to you by</span> <a href="http://www.lesliewilson.com/">Leslie Wilson</a><span style="color: #cc0000;">—editor, humor author and speaker—one of the mentors at</span> <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>. <br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Amy <<span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/03571083038560430815">http://www.blogger.com/profile/03571083038560430815</a></u></span>> writes<br />
<br />
Thanks for allowing us to PITCH!<br />
<br />
<br />
As we find ourselves amidst the highest unemployment rates in decades, increasing debt, aching hearts, and the seemingly endless list of world disasters, it is obvious there is great need for generosity in the world. However, our fast paced, me-first-society screams for attention while the needs of others are only a minor distraction in most of our self-centered lives.<br />
<br />
In From Ours to His: One Family’s Journey, I will discuss my family’s adventure away from the mine, me, must-have mentality into God’s way of giving generously. Filled with biblical reasoning, real-life examples, and practical, family friendly ideas, From Ours to His: One Family’s Journey will answer questions like:<br />
<br />
• Is it possible to raise generous kids in a society fixated on disposable items and the hottest, new tech gadget?<br />
• How can I give when I don’t have any money?<br />
• What are God’s thoughts on living a generous life?<br />
• What activities will promote the idea of gracious giving in my family? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Hi Amy,<br />
<br />
I love this cool--and timely and relevant--idea. Let's break down the elements of your pitch though.<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>Audience</strong>—Who are you writing for? Identify your ideal reader. What makes this project appropriate for that particular market?<br />
<br />
Though your audience is sort of implied, don't leave an editor to guess. Tell them--this book is for parents who do battle with their teen and pre-teen children in an effort to help them become more socially and fiscally aware.<br />
<strong>Promotion</strong>—What qualifies you to write this book? Have you written magazine or e-zine articles on this subject? Do you blog about this topic? Have you developed a speech or seminar? What will you do to publicize your book? Describe your platform.<br />
<br />
Unless you're writing a memoir, which this does not appear to be, you must identify ways you will actively sell copies of the book.<br />
<br />
<strong>Idea</strong>—What’s your working title? Subtitle? What kind of book is this? Where would it be shelved in a bookstore?<br />
<br />
You've done this well.<br />
<br />
<strong>Theme</strong>— Describe your project in one or two sentences. Answers the question “What is your book about?” <br />
<br />
Good job here, too.<br />
<br />
<strong>Close</strong>—How will you seal the deal with your reader? Identify the takeaway value of your project.<br />
<br />
This one's OK. Could expand to place the benefit in the hands of the readers, not just your own.<br />
<strong>Hook</strong>—What new slant/angle do you bring to this topic? What makes your approach unique?<br />
<br />
Well done. In fact, I'd like to hear more about what your family did. <br />
<br />
Thanks for letting me take a peek at your pitch. <br />
Blessings, <br />
Leslie Wilson</span></span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-52744818185661057752010-05-05T03:13:00.028-05:002010-05-05T03:13:00.270-05:00Free Critique Per Week: Strong words and images<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9Cq7OXsHQI/AAAAAAAAAuM/dloFCRDrmgI/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S9Cq7OXsHQI/AAAAAAAAAuM/dloFCRDrmgI/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Bill Giovannetti writes<br />
Without warning, the kitchen door shot off its hinges and crashed against the opposite wall. We hustled down the ladder, and James slammed the trap door behind us. He pulled a basket off a shelf, and handed out glow sticks. <br />
<br />
The faint light revealed James Flinn’s private morgue. Less sophisticated than the morgues I’ve been in, but serviceable enough. A stainless steel table dominated the room. Cat skins waited in various stages of tanning. Hundreds of clear jars lined the walls, each with an animal preserved in formaldehyde. I looked closely and wished I hadn’t. Skinless cat faces pressed up against glass walls. <br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Without warning, the kitchen door shot off its hinges and crashed against the opposite wall. We hustled down the ladder, and James slammed the trap door behind us. He pulled a basket off a shelf, and handed out glow sticks.<br />
<br />
The faint light revealed James Flinn’s private morgue. Less sophisticated than the morgues I’<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">d</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">ve (keep your tense consistent) </span>been in, but serviceable enough. A stainless steel table dominated the room. Cat skins waited in various stages of tanning. Hundreds of clear jars lined the walls, each with an animal preserved in formaldehyde. I looked closely and wished I hadn’t. Skinless cat faces pressed up against glass walls. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">You have some strong, concrete actions and images in this short bit. (I'm assuming this is not the beginning of a piece.) As you can see, the only real thing I've picked out is a slight tense shift in that first paragraph. Two things that cross my mind about the "morgue": first, as a reader, I assumed that meant there were dead people, not animals, down there, so the cat skins was jarring on first read; second, it might be stronger to show the room as the character sees it rather than tell us it was a private morgue before showing it. Just a suggestion to consider.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Good work! Keep it up!</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-31659837497311511622010-05-04T10:40:00.000-05:002010-05-04T10:40:51.811-05:00Attention Novelists: There's now a proposal tutorial for you!<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> <span style="font-size: small;">Today I’m launching a new product on my website called <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/store.php"><b>Write a Powerful Fiction Proposal</b></a>. (<b>Scroll down</b>; it's below th</span>e Nonfiction proposal tutorial.) </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>For you novelists out there seeking publication, you may ask yourself, <b>why would I need a fiction proposal? Don't I just need a synopsis and three sample chapters? </b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span>My answer: </span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span> </span></span> <meta content="" name="Title"></meta> <meta content="" name="Keywords"></meta> <meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta> <meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta> <meta content="Microsoft Word 2008" name="Generator"></meta> <meta content="Microsoft Word 2008" name="Originator"></meta> <link href="file://localhost/Users/maryedemuth/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0clip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Template>Normal.dotm</o:Template> <o:Revision>0</o:Revision> <o:TotalTime>0</o:TotalTime> <o:Pages>1</o:Pages> <o:Words>73</o:Words> <o:Characters>419</o:Characters> <o:Company>Relevantprose</o:Company> <o:Lines>3</o:Lines> <o:Paragraphs>1</o:Paragraphs> <o:CharactersWithSpaces>514</o:CharactersWithSpaces> <o:Version>12.0</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
</style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;">Since today’s fiction acquisition market has become increasingly competitive, publishing houses are not only interested in stunning stories—they’re looking for saleable stories, ones that will garner a greater market share. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;">How do they know if your novel could be that book? Through a skillfully wrought proposal. The kind of proposal that woos acquisition editors <i>and</i> marketing folks alike. The kind that stuns the publishing committee and lands you an advance. The kind you send to an agent, and the agent picks up the phone, dialing your number...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;">I will help you write that proposal.<span> </span><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><!--EndFragment--> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>Here are some of the benefits of the product:<br />
</span></span><br />
<ol><li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>Over 75 pages of content, including teaching, real-life samples, and templates </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>A detailed overview of the 10 parts of a fiction proposal </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>Actual novel query samples that sold </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>The nuts and bolts of writing a synopsis plus examples </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>Special feature: how to write an attention grabbing first page, with checklist and examples </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>3 actual proposals </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>Checklist of common grammatical/formatting/usage errors (good to use in any writing project) </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>Once your manuscript is finished: a fiction pitfalls checklist </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span><b>A blank template</b> to easily create your own proposal in Word<br />
</span></span></li>
</ol><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span> Please pass this information on to your critique group and novelist friends who are struggling to get published. I would really appreciate it. The launch is today!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial; font-size: small;"><span>And for those of you who write nonfiction, there's a proposal tutorial for you as well. It has many of the same benefits as above, but is exclusively for those who write nonfiction It's the <a href="http://www.marydemuth.com/store.php">first product here. </a> <br />
<br />
</span></span> <!--EndFragment-->Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-52046264198676248832010-05-04T04:26:00.014-05:002010-05-04T04:26:00.526-05:00YQA: Present tense memoir?<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Janet Oberholtzer <<span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10172668433266809905">http://www.blogger.com/profile/10172668433266809905</a></u></span>> wrote:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Hi,<br />
Thanks for this opportunity to ask a question<br />
I just finished reading "Thin Places" (I listened to it on my Kindle while on my treadmill - though I know that it's not your voice, I now think of your voice as being slightly computerish or electronic :) <br />
<br />
I liked the book - the story and your writing. I'm now studying your writing style and I love that's its written in present tense. I'm working on a memoir the past few years (I write slow) I'm writing it in present tense and have gotten advice to change it to past tense.<br />
<br />
I'm impressed with how well you use present tense, even when switching from scenes in different years/times of your life. <br />
<br />
So my question is - should I write in past or present tense and any advice on how to do present tense well?<br />
<br />
Thanks!<br />
Janet Oberholtzer </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Mary writes: </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Janet, </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">You can actually listen to Thin Places, the audio version, and hear my voice. But, yeah, the Kindle version is robotic at best. No, I am not a robot!</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I originally penned the first few chapters of the memoir in past tense. My editor encouraged me to change to present to see if I liked it. I did. It changed everything for me. It placed the reader right into the action of my story, as if each reader experienced my life from my young perspective. Present tense gave it a surprising immediacy.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">That being said, it's not easy to pull off. I'd ask a few discerning readers to see if they feel your use of present tense works. If not, by all means change it to past. It is VERY hard to pull off, especially when you're in the past, but it's present, and you're in that scene referring to another past. It gave me a headache. My fallback was to almost always stay in present tense. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Warmly,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Mary<br />
<span style="color: grey;"><br />
</span></span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-52130146345087087592010-05-03T05:15:00.031-05:002010-05-03T05:15:00.784-05:00Pitch to Me: Marriage Lost & Found<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZnVhFetymJ92joOynOF9ImXHXmZ7wZ1OMqwe8VSrfxkx7pIRzE3T2wvecCnbNfh-kAEFD7ncKtNDrDBazvYMl9Uk6d2YMRkqk3DeVXG8ZYu4tTJ2wkbPhAsOCzgY4DVfWbjazL4b090A/s1600/lesBEST09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZnVhFetymJ92joOynOF9ImXHXmZ7wZ1OMqwe8VSrfxkx7pIRzE3T2wvecCnbNfh-kAEFD7ncKtNDrDBazvYMl9Uk6d2YMRkqk3DeVXG8ZYu4tTJ2wkbPhAsOCzgY4DVfWbjazL4b090A/s320/lesBEST09.JPG" wt="true" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Today’s Pitch to Me is brought to you by</span> <a href="http://www.lesliewilson.com/">Leslie Wilson</a><span style="color: #cc0000;">—editor, humor author and speaker—one of the mentors at</span> <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>.</span> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">S. Warner <<span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10865577590949800182">http://www.blogger.com/profile/10865577590949800182</a></u></span>> writes<br />
<br />
Article for a Christian counseling or family values publication:<br />
<br />
Relationship Redemption<br />
<br />
As a counselor, every year I encounter dozens of marriages crushed by love that has seemingly died. Someone transgressed the marriage covenant in major or minor ways. They left the path and never found their way back. They never found the road home.<br />
<br />
“I woke up one day, and she was done. Who knows why? When I asked her to go to counseling, she refused. All she could say was, ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ I feel so lost. Everything that matters in my life just walked out the door.”<br />
<br />
The abandoned partner usually believes it to be a sudden disaster. They had no clue. Sure, they engaged in minor skirmishes from time to time, just like everyone else. In most of these situations, contrary to appearances, love dies a slow death. Truthfully, deep rubble of unresolved conflicts has buried their first love. Words spoken in anger that cut deep into the soul, apparent indifference to the physical and emotional struggles of a spouse, confused loyalty issues between a spouse and extended family members, unexplained desire for time away, emergence of a critical spirit--these among other things can bury love so deeply that people forget where to find it. Worse yet, people can reach a point of indifference. Their hearts become so wounded they grow numb. In a shock induced slowly over months or years, they let go of their partner’s hand and simply walk away. In the rubble lie remnants of bright hopes and dreams of a future together, alongside broken promises and covenants long forgotten. The situation hopeless, they walk into a grief that never really goes away. They became one with another--now that other is gone. They may as well have lost the limbs on one side of their body. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 11pt;">Thanks for letting me analyze this pitch. It's powerful stuff, especially your voice of authority as a counselor. However, you need to be sure to keep it short. Think 4-5 sentences--what you might be able to get out during a conversation in an elevator. (Remember, they call it the "elevator pitch.")</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">I don't want this affecting message to get lost in verbiage. So, even though you say you're pitching a magazine editor, you still need to define the scope of the project. With a periodical your audience will be set and you probably don't have to prove your effective promotion skills, but you still need to hone the idea. Suggest a title, crystallize your theme (1-2 sentences tops!), and reveal the takeaway. And shorten it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">Thanks!</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">Leslie Porter Wilson</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Calibri;">Elements of a pitch:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Audience</strong>—Who are you writing for? Identify your ideal reader. What makes this project appropriate for that particular market?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Promotion</strong>—What qualifies you to write this book? Have you written magazine or e-zine articles on this subject? Do you blog about this topic? Have you developed a speech or seminar? What will you do to publicize your book? Describe your platform.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Idea</strong>—What’s your working title? Subtitle? What kind of book is this? Where would it be shelved in a bookstore?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Theme</strong>— Describe your project in one or two sentences. Answers the question “What is your book about?” </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Close</strong>—How will you seal the deal with your reader? Identify the takeaway value of your project.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Hook</strong>—What new slant/angle do you bring to this topic? What makes your approach unique?</span><br />
<br />
</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-62592586558854130032010-05-01T04:24:00.018-05:002010-05-01T04:24:00.079-05:00YQA: Should I start a blog?<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Linda <<span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09519381524126702677">http://www.blogger.com/profile/09519381524126702677</a></u></span>> asks</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Hello,<br />
I've done a lot of research on what works in promoting my novel and it seems that the majority suggest writing a blog. I've toyed with this idea for months but hesitate because I don't know what I would discuss on a regular basis that would be of interest to others. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Mary's answer:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">You really ought to have something to write about if you're going to embark on a blog adventure. There must be something you're passionate about. The problem with novelists blogging is that they tend to talk about the writing process. But then your audience will become other writers or writers seeking publication. That's not your audience, so your efforts in "selling books" won't be rewarded.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Instead, think about the central issue that you tend to write about. Consider creating a blog about that issue. Make a determination to write 2-3 times a week consistently. Don't start something you can't finish or continue. Then promote your blog:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Send your blog address to family and friends</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Then find others who share your same passion and comment on their blogs</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Link your blog to your facebook page</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Tweet about your posts (http://www.twitter.com) </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Find your tribe (Read Seth Godin's Tribes)</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">If you're on the radio, point people to your blog</span></span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> I hope this helps!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">mary</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> <br />
</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-56505560600152467882010-04-30T03:57:00.032-05:002010-04-30T03:57:00.256-05:00Pitch to me: Insight into the Occult<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdJI4iEBRyQ6GPbsYpMoI43vM876uA3X8IRLnIeXUWq1hLR53qbaVO8bFw03i43HBQikCYrRewtUNJUGvdjd6QyAKLsLyi28ytSIlKj24iuxyP2qTQ5Stk2rMquyzWZqUEPthy06Z1g6o/s1600/lesBEST09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdJI4iEBRyQ6GPbsYpMoI43vM876uA3X8IRLnIeXUWq1hLR53qbaVO8bFw03i43HBQikCYrRewtUNJUGvdjd6QyAKLsLyi28ytSIlKj24iuxyP2qTQ5Stk2rMquyzWZqUEPthy06Z1g6o/s320/lesBEST09.JPG" wt="true" /></a></div><span style="color: #cc0000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Today’s Pitch to Me is brought to you by </span><a href="http://www.lesliewilson.com/"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Leslie Wilson</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">—editor, humor author and speaker—one of the mentors at </span><a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The Writing Spa</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">.</span></span> <br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Kristine McGuire writes <br />
<br />
What would prompt a woman who had been a Christian for twenty-nine years to abandon her faith and embrace the occult; becoming a witch, medium, and ghost hunter for eight years? <br />
<br />
Escaping the Cauldron: What You Should Know about the Occult details the personal journey of Kristine McGuire and how God restored her to faith in Jesus Christ. The book also examines the current upswing of interest in the paranormal and its effect on Christians. The first book in the Escaping the Cauldron series, this book will give the reader insight into the occult from the vantage point of a former insider. <br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Kristin, Oh my--what a powerful testimony you have and can potentially bring to readers!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">In your pitch, you've done a great job of defining your audience, but we need more info on how you intend to reach said audience. (Remember, editors and agents are not mindreaders. Ha! I couldn't resist.) Have you developed seminars (or webinars) on this topic? Do you speak about it? Blog about it?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Because you were immersed in the lifestyle, you can certainly speak from authority and gives your project a unique slant others might not have. However, other than your own restoration, I'm not sure I could identify the takeaway. Be sure to close this out nicely and seal the deal with your readers.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Interesting testimony. Powerful topic. Great start.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Thanks for letting me take a peek.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Blessings,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Leslie Porter Wilson</span><span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Elements of A PITCH:</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Audience—Who are you writing for? Identify your ideal reader. What makes this project appropriate for that particular market?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Promotion—What qualifies you to write this book? Have you written magazine or e-zine articles on this subject? Do you blog about this topic? Have you developed a speech or seminar? What will you do to publicize your book? Describe your platform.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Idea—What’s your working title? Subtitle? What kind of book is this? Where would it be shelved in a bookstore?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Theme— Describe your project in one or two sentences. Answers the question “What is your book about?” </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Close—How will you seal the deal with your reader? Identify the takeaway value of your project.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Hook—What new slant/angle do you bring to this topic? What makes your approach unique?</span><br />
<br />
</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-16479447482544489232010-04-29T04:40:00.013-05:002010-04-29T04:40:00.436-05:00YQA: Omiscient narrator?<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Kristen <<span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/06716097889143393543">http://www.blogger.com/profile/06716097889143393543</a></u></span>> wrote:<br />
<br />
In _The Art of Fiction_, John Garder has high regard for the authorial-omniscient POV: "The noblest writers, like Isak Dinesen and Leo Tolstoy...avoid the savage sparsity of third person objective by means of the authorial-omniscient point of view...Cutting through the muck, they simply say -- in the traditional voice of the omniscient narrator -- what is fictionally true." </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Why is omniscient POV now so out of favor? Is it really readers who protest? I suspect only writers and editors even notice such things. Readers notice the story.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
More importantly, when great writers (Gardner also cites Donald Barthelme and Joyce Carol Oates) use this technique, why do so many writing teachers refuse to teach it?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
I understand a lot of beginners write bad omniscient novels. But why is the response to that "just don't write omniscient POV" instead of "here's how to write omniscient POV properly"?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Here's what writing coaches say: Omniscient POV is hard to do well, so don't do it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Here's what I hear: You'll never be good enough to pull that off, so don't bother trying. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Mary answers:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Omniscient can be done, but you must have a high level of writing ability. And most publishing houses will balk at a new writer attempting it right out of the gate. Better to master third person limited or first person than experiment with omniscient.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Ultimately readers are the ones making decisions about narration, and in today's fast-paced world, omniscient can be cumbersome. Plus fiction is supposed to be a powerful emotional experience. A detached omniscient narrator doesn't bring the reader into the heart and head of one or two characters, lessening the emotional impact. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I personally don't like omniscient for that reason. It's too distant. But that's just my opinion.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">In terms of teaching how to write it, my guess is that folks don't teach it because so few have mastered it in a modern world. If you truly want to master it, study the greats as you have done. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I hope that helps.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Mary</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-35919025884973338922010-04-28T03:12:00.032-05:002010-04-28T03:12:00.822-05:00Free Critique Per Week:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S8ZyjRxX4FI/AAAAAAAAAt8/84IgRHSNQ6w/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S8ZyjRxX4FI/AAAAAAAAAt8/84IgRHSNQ6w/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique is provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa.</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Debbie Maxwell Allen writes:<br />
<br />
Petar.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
I wake with his name on my lips.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
I’m sure I spoke it just before I surrendered to sleep. Same as most every day of my seventeen years. But waking up this morning is far different. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
I haven’t spoken his name in one hundred years.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
I’m draped over the highest windowsill in the castle’s central tower. It looms like a sentinel above the east and west turrets, with a commanding view of the forested hills far below. How I kept from falling is a question for the faeries, I’ll wager. Covered in spider silk and dirt. Leaves in what was once fair-colored hair. I must look a sight. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Petar.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
I wake with his name on my lips.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
I’m sure I spoke it just before I surrendered to sleep. Same as most every day of my seventeen years. But waking up this morning is far different. </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
I haven’t spoken his name in one hundred years.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><br />
I’m draped over the highest windowsill in the castle’s central tower. It looms like a sentinel above the east and west turrets, with a commanding view of the forested hills far below. How I kept from falling is a question for the faeries, I’ll wager. Covered in spider silk and dirt. Leaves in what was once fair-colored hair. I must look a sight.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">I would like to address this from a "big picture" perspective. This is obviously the opening of the book. It is being told in present tense. Because of this, we have some issues. The first issue is "I haven't spoken his name in one hundred years." How does she know this is we are living the story with her in present tense? It's a great line, maybe misplaced, maybe to be deleted altogether. But in the end it is a line of telling, not showing, and with the present tense there is the issue of how she can wake up and instantly know this.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">I think this would be stronger if you can show us, as she wakes, her fear and realizing she's draped over the windowsill, her discovering of being covered with spider silk and dirt, her bewilderment at the situation. Don't rush it. And if we're hearing the story in present tense, it is doubly important that the reader feel "in the moment" with the character who is telling the story.</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Does that all make sense? </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Also, just for an FYI, this fall, Zonderkids is publishing a YA title called The Healer's Apprentice by Melanie Dickerson, a medieval retelling of Sleeping Beauty. You can read her blurb and see her book trailer at www.melaniedickerson.com. I would just hate for you to spend too much time writing a similar book to one about to come out.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">I feel like I've probably bummed you out now, but take my previous comments and apply them to your other works and they'll help there, too. Keep working! It's a long, hard process, but you can do it!</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-22236885217371851352010-04-27T03:09:00.024-05:002010-04-27T03:09:00.117-05:00Pitch to me: How to or Memoir?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKpqd87WVUO3gmtBatHaA9enjauNtwEi5tbEM9ioaKhJxZ4oHvAx3qyAi4KIQc-XQ82O-3-sNe3-g4iW5Sc1JdDzv5ZaXg1qxdNGlKFEFLgjWMoM8j0ubNYrdoiFNKJq6Ot3PLf4ZTPvI/s1600/lesBEST09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKpqd87WVUO3gmtBatHaA9enjauNtwEi5tbEM9ioaKhJxZ4oHvAx3qyAi4KIQc-XQ82O-3-sNe3-g4iW5Sc1JdDzv5ZaXg1qxdNGlKFEFLgjWMoM8j0ubNYrdoiFNKJq6Ot3PLf4ZTPvI/s320/lesBEST09.JPG" wt="true" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: #cc0000;">Today’s Pitch to Me is brought to you by</span> <a href="http://www.lesliewilson.com/">Leslie Wilson</a><span style="color: #cc0000;">—editor, humor author and speaker—one of the mentors at</span> <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa</a>. </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Susan Schulz writes</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
The moment we laid eyes on each other, everything clicked. We fit together perfectly, like the two sides of a zipper. Within months we had set a date for our wedding. In the chilly month of December, with every detail perfected, I walked the aisle of what would begin the most amazing voyage imaginable. I married the man of my dreams and knew our life together would transcend all of my expectations. What I didn’t know about this journey was that the highs would reach the utmost mountain tops and the lows would plunge to depths I never thought possible. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
We quickly went from two crazy kids in love to the all out American Family—a mom, a dad, a son, and a daughter, and our own home in the North Georgia Mountains. From the world’s standards we were complete. And according to my standards, our babies, Noah and Summer were two of the most beautiful children the Lord has ever knit together.<br />
(Non-fiction) <br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Susan, your enthusiasm--for life, for marriage, for your children--is contagious! This makes me want to hug my family.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">That being said, I'm not exactly sure what the scope of this book will be. To complete a solid pitch, you'll need to define and hone each of the following items: </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Audience</strong>—Who are you writing for? Identify your ideal reader. What makes this project appropriate for that particular market?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Promotion</strong>—What qualifies you to write this book? Have you written magazine or e-zine articles on this subject? Do you blog about this topic? Have you developed a speech or seminar? What will you do to publicize your book? Describe your platform.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Idea</strong>—What’s your working title? Subtitle? What kind of book is this? Where would it be shelved in a bookstore?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Theme</strong>— Describe your project in one or two sentences. Answers the question “What is your book about?” </span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Close</strong>—How will you seal the deal with your reader? Identify the takeaway value of your project.</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><strong>Hook</strong>—What new slant/angle do you bring to this topic? What makes your approach unique?</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">What you've done with your pitch is offer an editor or agent an intriguing peek into your personal journey of marriage and motherhood. However, it seems to fall under more of a memoir style--which is fine, you just need to say it. If you have time, why don't you go back and see if you can incorporate these other elements. It's a good exercise and will definitely improve your pitch.</span> <br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;"></span> <br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Thanks for posting.</span> <br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Blessings,</span> <br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Leslie Porter Wilson</span></span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-43474487886826374402010-04-26T03:10:00.006-05:002010-04-26T03:10:00.082-05:00YQA: Short StoriesSuzannah has left a new comment on your post "It's baaack: Your questions answered <http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com=""> ": <br />
<br />
Hello! <br />
<br />
Writing a short story is very different to writing a novel. Some writers do both, some stick with just one. <br />
<br />
Obviously, writing short fiction is good practice, and has many benefits. But, do you think all aspiring novelists should first try to break into the short fiction market to gain publishing credits, or can a well-crafted novel and query letter speak for themselves?<br />
<br />
Many agents say previous publishing credits are nice, but not necessary.<br />
<br />
What do you think?<br />
<br />
Thanks! </http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com=""><br />
</http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com="">Mary's answer: </http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com=""><br />
</http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com="">It's a great practice to write short stories and seek publication, but it's not an easy avenue. Better to use storytelling techniques to write nonfiction articles. They're a little easier to publish, and you can get in recognizable magazines. </http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com=""><br />
</http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com="">That being said, keep in mind that short stories are an entirely different animal than novels. Although I've written a couple short stories, it's not my forte. I'd rather write a novel! I know that sounds weird, but if you study the master short story writers, you'll see a lot packed into a small space. The story arc is smaller and the characters have to be drawn in such a way to make them alive in a quick moment of narrative.</http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com=""><br />
</http:><br />
<http: 03="" 2010="" its-baaack-your-questions-answered.html="" wannabepublished.blogspot.com="">I hope this helps!<br />
Mary<br />
</http:>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-28338698796500085832010-04-24T04:11:00.003-05:002010-04-24T04:11:00.223-05:00Work from Rest: An important concept for a writer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVGuSvYXsp8IonFpvM3olI07U7lbIlvnQA7w9HE0PhsQBddw_TECibbHiz2NyriBPPye0B7HOOank1c9pl80ZnILlsUlBz_qbulrmF4LBoZNv2UlXd9CFPQkhCwEwAa3rzPiyT1YSqugw/s1600/LTBergrensmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVGuSvYXsp8IonFpvM3olI07U7lbIlvnQA7w9HE0PhsQBddw_TECibbHiz2NyriBPPye0B7HOOank1c9pl80ZnILlsUlBz_qbulrmF4LBoZNv2UlXd9CFPQkhCwEwAa3rzPiyT1YSqugw/s200/LTBergrensmall.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Lisa Bergren wrote this to a group of writers who were facing burnout. Her words were so encouraging, I've asked permission to share them here. Be blessed!</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Brothers and Sisters,<br />
<br />
I've been reading your words about throwing in the towel, frustrations over writing, success, mentoring, etc. We're pulled in so many directions as writers and sometimes as would-be marketers or mentors. Some of you know that I took a hiatus from writing for several years, because God called me to a "fallow season," and at a time that it seemed crazy to do so, I obeyed. I didn't write anything--anything!--for three plus years. I didn't miss it at all. And when I sensed he was giving me the okay to resume, I had some of the richest writing to do...books I loved writing.<br />
<br />
I ran across this quote from Mike Breen in <i>Building a Discipling Culture</i>, a book from 3D Ministries: "We are to work from our rest, not rest from our work." He goes on to talk about the rhythm of life as it ought to be lived: "Fruitfulness happens in stages and seasons: abide, grow, bear fruit, prune, abide. This is the rhythm of the swinging pendulum, the Semi-Circle. It's really all about timing. We cannot bear fruit if we do not spend time abiding....Growth seems to be a result of the right rhythm being established. Growth is not the same as bearing fruit. Sometimes we mistake spiritual growth for the fruit itself. This is not the case. We must grow before we can see fruit. An apple tree, for instance, does not bear fruit for three years. Grape vines are pruned back and forced to not bear fruit for two to three years so their root systems can be established. Growth must happen before fruit is produced. And growth comes from knowing how to abide."<br />
<br />
I'm working to re-establish a proper balance of working from rest, rather than resting from work, trying to retrain my brain and heart to abide first in God, and go where I see him working, and join him in it there (whether it be writing or serving/ministering in other ways). I don't have it down yet, but I'm getting there...again. Maybe some of you are there too. Work from rest, rather than rest from work. Work from rest...Work from rest...Work from rest...ahhh.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Lisa B.</span></span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-18870854110755379492010-04-23T03:11:00.035-05:002010-04-23T03:11:00.503-05:00Free Critique Per Week: Keep Verb Tenses Consistent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S8Zuo2N0H0I/AAAAAAAAAt0/Ov7EczCW340/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S8Zuo2N0H0I/AAAAAAAAAt0/Ov7EczCW340/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at <a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">The Writing Spa.</a></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Terri writes:<br />
<br />
The wooden screen door thwacked shut and the shouting inside succumbed to the droning chorus of the cicadas. My summer-browned bare feet carried me across the searing sun-softened tar of the black top. At the end of the street, pavement yielded to hard nature-kilned clay veiled by powdered sand. The dust cooled my toes.<br />
<br />
I paused to crouch at the small stagnant pond beside the path. Last summer I would have stretched out on my stomach to watch the tadpoles, crawdads and water bugs. Now I am too self-conscious. Even in my over-sized t-shirt I don't want to be reminded of my emerging breasts. Stretching my legs, I trekked on. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">The wooden screen door thwacked shut and the shouting inside succumbed to the droning chorus of the cicadas. My summer-browned bare feet carried me across the searing </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">sun-softened (avoid using too many adjectives for each thing, just pick the best one for that moment)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"> tar of the black top. At the end of the street, pavement yielded to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">hard</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(nature-kilned implies it is hard) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">nature-kilned clay veiled by powdered sand. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(Very nice description) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">The dust cooled my toes.<br />
<br />
I paused to crouch at the small stagnant pond beside the path. Last summer I would have stretched out on my stomach to watch the tadpoles, crawdads and water bugs. Now I am </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(this is a shift in verb tense, are you intending to write in present or past tense?)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"> too self-conscious. Even in my over-sized t-shirt I don't want </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">present tense) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">to be reminded of my emerging breasts. Stretching my legs, I trekked </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(this one is past tense) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">on. </span></span> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">You have some very nice descriptions going on in these two paragraphs, along with strong verbs. But the first paragraph is all in past tense, as is most of the second paragraph. However in the middle of the second paragraph there are two sentences in present tense. Pick one and stick to it throughout. Of course, if you pick present tense, any flashbacks would still be in past tense. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">One other small thing: in the first paragraph you have three times where you use two adjectives before a noun ("summer-browned bare" before "feet", "hard nature-kilned" before "clay", and "searing sun-softened" before "tar"). Try to keep your adjectives to one adjective that shows the exact thing you need to convey at that moment. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">It's strong writing, just clean it up a bit. Good job!</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-41299748899010288212010-04-22T03:08:00.056-05:002010-04-22T07:28:59.088-05:00Free Critique Per Week: More Show Don't Tell<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S8DDmHVf-oI/AAAAAAAAAtU/FZ7ZObRkEII/s1600/DSC_0018.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ohGWZQdWjEg/S8DDmHVf-oI/AAAAAAAAAtU/FZ7ZObRkEII/s200/DSC_0018.JPG" width="147" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">This critique provided by <a href="http://www.dannmateer.com/">D'Ann Mateer</a>, fiction mentor at T<a href="http://www.thewritingspa.com/">he Writing Spa</a>.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Faith Imagined writes:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Zach never liked when Efficientists spoke to him in a variety. It always sounded rude. And although he usually understood what the Efficientists were saying, it felt like so much work on his part. He had to fill in the holes to the content of the sentences. <br />
<br />
Before he could say thank you, the attendant was looking down with the transfixed expression again. Zach waited for the man to say something more, but he simply stood there. Zach leaned forward and waved his arms. The attendant continued working unaware. Zach chuckled again and rubbed his chin. He grabbed the metal handles of the dolly and pushed it back and rolled the Sleeper toward the elevator. As he got closer to the elevator, Zach got a better view of the attendant. He was listening to something through headphones, typing on the keyboard and giving sporadic commands. By the looks of it, the attendant was working on several unrelated things simultaneously. Zach looked back at the man’s expressionless face and shrugged his shoulders. Would the man ever see his lifelessness? </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Comments and deletions in red. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">Additions in green. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Weak verbs in blue.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">Z</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">ach never liked when Efficientists spoke to him in a variety</span>. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(Not sure what "in a variety" means.)</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">It</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(what exactly does this "it" refer to? Do you mean "they"?) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">always sounded rude. And although he usually understood what the Efficientists were saying, it felt like so much work on his part. He had to fill in the holes to </span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"> ("to" doesn't feel quite right, maybe "in"?)</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">the content of the sentences.</span> <br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"> Before he could say thank you, the attendant</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(is this attendant an Efficentist?) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">was looking</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">down with the transfixed expression again. Zach waited for the man to say something more, but he simply stood there. Zach leaned forward and waved his arms. The attendant continued working</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(doing what? maybe we know this from a previous paragraph?)</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">unaware. Zach chuckled </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">again</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">and rubbed his chin</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">before</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">He grabbed </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">grabbing </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">the metal handles of the dolly</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">and push<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">ing</span>ed it back </span>a<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">nd roll</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime;">ing</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">ed</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">the Sleeper toward the elevator. As he got closer to the elevator, Zach got a better view of the attendant. He </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">was listening</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">to something through headphones, typing on the keyboard and giving sporadic commands. By the looks of it, the attendant</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">was</span> working <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;">on several unrelated things simultaneously. Zach looked back at the man’s expressionless face and shrugged his shoulders. Would the man ever see his lifelessness?</span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">(</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Nice interior monologue.)</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;">Ok, first, I'm assuming this is sci fi? I'm also assuming these are not the beginning paragraphs and the reader already knows who/what Efficientists are. WIth that said, the biggest issues here seem to be related: weak verbs and telling instead of showing. My personal opinion is that especially in sci fi or speculative fiction showing is so very, very important because you are in a different time and/or place. Let us see up front what the attendant is doing. Show his sporadic commands with snippets of dialogue, his typing by the sounds that Zach hears, the headphones by Zach observing them, rather than telling us all these things. In doing so, I feel pretty sure you will eliminate your weaker verbs. The last line of interior monologue was nice in that it showed that Zach recognizes his differences from those like the attendant or the Efficientists. </span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span></div></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 15px;"><br />
</span></span>Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3957032603263938155.post-71164303978644899482010-04-21T01:59:00.008-05:002010-04-21T01:59:00.817-05:00TWC: Trust your editors and be nice from Harmony Watts<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This comes from Harmony Watts who works at Zondervan.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBsntEfSKbo7v_VrnJ1SbVb88nfMAK2IZFLXX022obORrSDdbuQvCKdL8bpF2uwDV55N663ZgPIHGa0LYxHedvh8gBkyBNqbbqiENkMpXnrOmTxGLH_H-rHmVxSTbaftuEiUP9oRkHVHY/s1600-h/DSC01133_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBsntEfSKbo7v_VrnJ1SbVb88nfMAK2IZFLXX022obORrSDdbuQvCKdL8bpF2uwDV55N663ZgPIHGa0LYxHedvh8gBkyBNqbbqiENkMpXnrOmTxGLH_H-rHmVxSTbaftuEiUP9oRkHVHY/s320/DSC01133_2.JPG" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">I work with editors in a different capacity than most of you because, while I’m an aspiring writer, I also work inside a publishing house. As an Editorial Manager, I work closely with the editors and get to see what they have to contend with. It’s taught me some things that have made me much more appreciative of their work. Here's some advice from inside:<br />
</span></span></span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">DON’T be a diva. Divas make life inside the publishing house miserable. There are some authors we all dread working with because, despite the wonderful books they produce, they walk all over their editors and demand the moon.</span></span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;">Editors have big workloads: anywhere from 30-50 projects in different stages of development at all times. Meet your deadlines (if you don’t, you’re infringing on time that was supposed to be spent on another writer’s MS, cover, marketing, etc.). Remember that you’re not the only client.</span></span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> Remember that editors go to bat for you. When an editor wants to accept your project, he/she must present it before the publisher and the rest of the pub board team and convince them that YOUR work – and YOU – are a viable investment.</span></span></span></li>
</ul><ul><li><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> Editors have to play nice with agents, which can be political and stressful. Christian publishing is a very “incestuous” business in that it’s a small “community,” and editors are under pressure to maintain good relationships, while forging contracts that also benefit the publishing house. They're middle-men. Not easy.</span></span></span></li>
</ul><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> <span style="color: #00407f;">Blessings,<br />
Harmony<br />
<br />
</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: #00407f;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 8.5pt;"><b>Harmony A. Watts</b></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> <br />
</span></span><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 8.5pt;">www.harmonywatts.blogspot.com </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> <</span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.harmonywatts.blogspot.com/">http://www.harmonywatts.blogspot.com/</a></u></span><span style="color: #00407f;">> <br />
</span></span></span><span style="color: #00407f;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: 8.5pt;">www.beyondtoast.blogspot.com</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"> <</span></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;"><u><a href="http://www.beyondtoast.blogspot.com/">http://www.beyondtoast.blogspot.com/</a></u></span><span style="color: #00407f;">> <br />
<br />
</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri,Verdana,Helvetica,Arial;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
</span></span> <br />
<!--EndFragment-->Mary DeMuthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06102710597183711588noreply@blogger.com3